The Name's Bond, James Bond

I'm a pretty big James Bond fan.  The stunts, the villains, the gadgets, the women, the locales, the one-liners...you get the idea.  More than any philosophical argument thought of by the Greeks, Bond fans have endlessly debated two questions since Ursula Andress wandered out of the ocean: Which is the best Bond film?  And who was the best actor to play Bond?  Today I tackle the latter of the two (or the former...whichever the actor one is).


Let me start by saying that this is not a simple task.  Each actor has taken it upon themselves to mold Bond in their own image with both positive and negative results.  They've also been the product of their times for better or for worse.  As a result, some of the movies have aged well and others...well, not so much (I'm looking at you Moonraker).

My criteria for ranking is quite simple and very arbitrary - but I will at least give you the good, bad, and ugly of each actor.  The first criterion is quality of films while playing Bond.  This will be a contentious one right off the bat, but as the glue that holds these films together, if you're film stinks, there's a good chance your Bond performance was shitty.    Number two, one-liner delivery.  Bond is known for his quick wit and if you want to succeed at playing the most famous role in the movies, you better be able to hand out a zinger.  Three, does he look the part?  No one can deny that looks are an integral component to pulling off a good Bond performance.  Four is arrogance.  Part of what makes men want to be him and women want to be with him is a certain swagger or arrogance that the character portrays.  Finally, my last criterion is basically a subjective gut feel of the guy.

Let's begin.

#6 Roger Moore
A bit of a shocker, Roger Moore pulls in at number 6.  I'm guessing I'm going to hear some moaning from fellow Bond fans for this, but no matter how I slice it, I can't move him higher.  His collection of movies include some of the worst in the series - Moonraker and Octopussy are terrible.  He never looked the part and often times looked way too old, a regular grandpa Bond in A View To A Kill.  His fight scenes were terribly staged because he was too old and stiff to give them any authenticity.  And he was too damned nice.  You're James F'n Bond!! Licence to kill, sleeps with a gun under his pillow, shaken not stirred, etc, etc.  Moore's Bond seemed cut from the cloth of an English nobleman, not a British spy about to save the world.  I just never bought Moore as a guy capable of pulling off the miraculous stunts and having the guts to actually do what it takes for Queen and Country.  But the man definitely could pull off a one-liner.

#5 Pierce Brosnan
Brosnan was in a race for last place but was able to stave off humiliation based on his quintessential Bond look and spawning the video game Goldeneye for Nintendo 64.  Hell, Goldeneye was almost enough to boost him up a notch.  But when you examine Pierce's Bond output, it really is mediocre.  Sure, Goldeneye, the movie, was a pretty solid start to get the series up and running again, but then we had Tomorrow Never Dies and Die Another Day, with DAD as a candidate for worst Bond movie ever.  But seriously though, did a guy ever look so much like what you picture James Bond to be?  If they did a Bond cartoon (and no, I don't mean James Bond Jr.), and the animators had never seen the films or Pierce Brosnan before, the Bond character would look exactly like Brosnan.  But whereas Moore played too much of a gentleman, Brosnan was just too much of a wuss.

#4 Daniel Craig
I'm taking a wait and see approach with Craig.  After Casino Royale, I'm pretty sure I uttered the phrase "OMG!!! Sean Connery reincarnate!!" even though Sean Connery is like, you know, still alive.  After Quantum of Solace, I was more like "omg. they've tried to turn Bond into Jason Bourne and Daniel Craig is Matt Damon. blarg".  I want to like Daniel Craig as Bond, but he'll have to deal with the doesn't-quite-have-that-stereotypical-Bond-look stigma.  There is a lot of potential movement for Craig on this list...both up and down.

#3 Timothy Dalton
I know I'm in the minority on this one, but I can't help but really like Timothy Dalton as James Bond.  Most don't, and I get that.  He has the right look, he has that "bitch don't F with me, I'm James Bond" aura about him, and it helps that I really love the movie Licence to Kill.  And even his portrayal of James Bond  in the mediocre The Living Daylights, seemed to indicate that the Bond Girl, Kara, was uber-lame.  Dalton was very believable as a 00 agent and definitely had a way with words.

#2 George Lazenby
There are a lot of mixed feelings out there about Lazenby.  I'm in the crowd that thought he was fantastic in his single outing as Bond.  He filled a tuxedo quite admirably, did extremely well with the more sexually innuendoed dialogue of On Her Majesty's Secret Service, stretched the range of Bond's character further than any other performance but maintained that all important swagger, and starred in my favourite Bond film of all time, the aforementioned On Her Majesty's Secret Service.  I did entertain the notion of placing him in first, but I just can't do it.  Which leads me to...

#1 Sean Connery
Really, could it have been anyone else?  Arrogant almost to a fault, with more purpose in his walk than all members of the Bee Gees combined, Sean Connery set an impossible to reach bar after his residency in the role that he defined.  He was not without his missteps (Diamonds Are Forever, anyone?), but he certainly set a level most difficult to achieve.  His fight scenes are still unmatched, one-liner delivery...flawless, and the level of film quality are legendary.  Sean Connery, I salute you.