Friday, February 24, 2012

An Ode to SPAM

I've been a bit obsessive with SPAM lately. It is one of the best consistent sources of humour I've found. Whether it's someone trying to share his gold that he found during the Iraq war or someone with an extremely urgent business proposition, the results are the same: hilarity.

SPAM really is a thing of beauty. You couldn't possibly come up with some of the passages these professionals write (yes, they are professionals). If you locked up in a room the best copywriters of the major ad firms in all the world they wouldn't even come close to the crazy shit that some of the best SPAM writers are able to conjure. And conjure they do. They're like magicians of this art form.

I must say, I've become a bit of a SPAM connoisseur. I enjoy the subtle differences, the styles, the subjects covered. Like a cigar aficionado or a wine somalia, I've begun to appreciate them all. And as I sort through the endless triple x or enhancement emails (the low-brow genre of SPAM - think reality TV), sometimes one piece of SPAM stands out among the rest. I had the pleasure of coming across one such piece yesterday. Enjoy:


ALCIONE ASSOCIATION OFFERS COMPLIMENTARY COPY OF THE BOOK 'HERCOLUBUS OR RED PLANET'

You can request it at:

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HERCOLUBUS, THE PLANET WHOSE ORBIT GETS CLOSER TO EARTH

Some heavenly mechanic matters are unknown to present science. One of them is that related to Hercolubus' approach to Earth, a planet whose name comes from ancient knowledge. The fact of its approach to our solar system is not only a fact that everybody will be able to see and feel, but it will also result in big upheavals all over the world.

It comes to pass that in the to-and-fro of life, everything returns to its beginning or to its end. It already happened that Hercolubus, in its previous approach, put an end to the Atlantis' civilization. These facts, well known by personages who, in the course of history enjoyed Awaken Conscience, were properly narrated through all the 'world-wide floods' coming from different religions and cultures.

A lot of writers have talked about such cosmic phenomenon throughout the ages. One of them, V.M. Rabolu, was one of those people who enjoys the Faculties of Awaken Conscience, which let him investigate about this heavenly body's approach. We have picked out the next paragraphs from his book, entitled 'Hercolubus or Red Planet':

'When Hercolubus gets closer to Earth, when it sets a par with the Sun, lethal epidemics will begin to spread all over our planet. Doctors and official science will not know what kind of illnesses they are or how to cure them. They will be helpless before such epidemics. Because of the overwhelming hunger and the unbearable heat, life in our planet will begin to disappear and then Humanity shall have to eat their fellow beings' cadavers.

The moment of tragedy, of darkness, will come: tremors, earthquakes and tidal waves. Human beings will become mentally unbalanced because they will not be able to eat or sleep. In the face of danger, the totally insane masses will throw themselves over the precipice.

What I affirm in this book is a very short-term prophecy, because I have evidence about the end of the planet. I know it. I am not attempting to fright, but to forewarn, because I feel sorrow for this poor Humanity. Since these events are coming soon, there is no time to waste in illusory things.'

V.M. Rabolu teaches in his book the practices to eliminate our Ego or psychological defects and how to astral unfold as the only practical way of escaping from the forthcoming cataclysm. He finishes saying:

'Dear reader, I am speaking very clearly so that you understand the necessity to seriously launch yourself to do the inner work, because whoever is working will be taken from the danger. This is not to be theorized or argued. Rather, the formulas that I am giving in this book are teachings you must experiment yourself, so you can go and get the Wisdom. There is nothing left to appeal to.'